


The in between is mine

by Siremele



Category: The Wolverine (2013)
Genre: Gen, Yuletide 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 05:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siremele/pseuds/Siremele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And life, is it wonder or suffering?  Is it joy or lamentation?"<br/>Yukio's POV along the storyline of the movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The in between is mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kormantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kormantic/gifts).



> Merry Xmas, kormantic!

_I know I was born and I know that  
I'll die  
The in between is mine  
I am mine  
_( _I am mine_ , Pearl Jam)

 

_And life! And life, what is it, tell me my brother  
It's the beat of a heart  
It's a sweet illusion  
And life, is it wonder or suffering?  Is it joy or lamentation?  
(...)  
We're the ones who make life what it is  
However possible, however we can or we wish  
Always desired, as much as it may be off course  
Nobody wants death, only health and good fortune_  
( _O que é, o que é_ , Gonzaguinha. Translation to English extracted from here: <http://lyricalbrazil.com/2012/12/02/o-que-e-o-que-e/>)

 

* * *

 

My first prediction happened when I was five. It was my parents' deaths. Today I am not sure if I actually understood what I had foresaw until I see the thing happening, but it was frightening enough to see the crash and then all that blood.  I remember of trying to warn them that I saw something very ugly, and I remember mom dismissing me talking about nightmares and unimportant things. I could not make myself clear back then, but I only felt the real weight of this when I watched their deaths. I thought I had just killed them myself because they died first in my head.

After a few days I was searching for something to eat in trash cans and bags, and I saw another death in my head. The owner of a restaurant let me search in his trash at night, after his customers went home. I saw his wife dying in her sleep, and I told him so. She died and I was treated as bad omen, as some kind of evil messenger. He forbade me of eating his trash, and threatened beat the hell out of me if he ever laid eyes on me again.

I started to believe my life was only about to see other people's deaths, nothing more. This was when I was still a child that begged for food on the streets. I learned that usually people don’t want to die, and they get scared if they meet someone who is able to see one's death coming. Then I learned to be silent about my curse. It was the only thing that distinguished me from other beggars, I had nothing left. So, I realized I was a little monster.

One day I met Master Yashida and everything changed. He took me with him to his house, gave me good food, education, shelter and a name to respect. He taught me how to use a sword. He called my curse 'gift' and cared about me. He gave me a sister.

Mariko, along with Master Yashida, meant life to me. They meant the possibility of laughing and happiness, even though the deaths continued coming to me. But I learned to live through each prediction and to understand that I wasn't a bad omen.

When we were kids, Mariko told me about Kuzuri, a mighty friend of Master Yashida who would protect her from all the perils she could dream of. Kuzuri was full of life, just like both of them, more than them both, actually. He was strong, brave, and a loyal warrior. He was invincible. He was immortal. Mariko used to describe Kuzuri as if he had come directly from a fairytale book, and although those stories always seemed just foolish fiction to me, it was always a beautiful fiction. Could not be true, but it was inspiring enough to thrill even me, despite of my premature notion of death and loss and all the disbelief that came along with it.

Some years later, when Master Yashida was so fragile, interminably lying on beds, he asked me to go find and bring Kuzuri to say good-bye to him. At first I didn’t understood his request, but then he gave me a dossier containing the hell of an amount of information on a man’s life. Kuzuri’s long existence was in front of me, inside a thick file. Logan was his name. I accepted the mission straightaway, although I was troubled by the possibility of really meet someone who was a legend to me.

I spent one whole year to find Logan, what made me understand how much affected by his fellow mutants’ deaths he was. Mainly, how much affected by _her_ death he was. He was filthy, seemed always tired, unmistakably lost. He was so clearly waiting for his own death that I almost forgot he was supposed to be immortal.

Although I couldn't relate this man who looked like a beggar with the tales of Mariko's guardian, he was intriguing still. He was a former soldier who kept fighting while seeking for his well-earned, honorable death. He was an impersonation of the paradox of will to just let go and find rest and the impulse to live just to be sure others were let to live too. So I approached him, and as I expected, he put a fight to my plea, just to agree with me in the end.

I was surprised to see that the truth behind Kuzuri was a complicated and hurt real man, but this was just the first surprise I had after meeting him. I didn't foresee Master Yashida's death, for my total bewilderment and pain. I saw my sister being chased by Yakuza, she who had never crossed anyone's way, had never intended harm nor had upset nobody in her life. Although Shingen had always been harsh, until then, he'd never openly threatened me like he did after Mariko's disappearance.

But Logan's attitude towards the Yakuza's attack during Master Yashida's funeral didn't surprise me at all. I understood, then, that Mariko always knew better, Logan was there, the real, flawed counterpart of the legendary Kuzuri, protecting her from her real dangers. She would be safe with him, at least.

And then I saw his death.

I only met Logan again after Mariko's abduction. He was enraged. I tried to warn him of what I knew, and I felt just like I was five again, being totally ignored. When we arrived at the place we would find Noburo, Logan's stubbornness in go after Mariko's fiancé made me insist in tell him about my prediction. That was the moment when the bastard should had behaved like the humble, depressed man, but instead, the stupid bravery showed up and took control of him when he was for the first time vulnerable. I decided to go with him to rescue Mariko, so I would try to protect him in our way and try to save my sister.

Then I realized it wasn't stupidity that motivated Logan's actions, after all. He truly didn't care about the risks of finally being able to die.

Noburo's information leaded us back to an empty, almost eerie House of Yashida. Logan and I ended entering the room where Master Yashida had spent most of his final weeks. I followed Logan’s gaze that darted from the container full of a blue liquid, but empty from the strange little things I am sure he too noticed during his last visit to the room, to the bed-like medical equipment. He walked, picked the remote and laid on the bed. On his back, just like in my dream.

I already knew what would happen next. Like in a déjà vu, I recognized the scenario.

I could not help but to watch the screens that showed what was inside Logan. There was, visible in shape of metallic bones, all the strength Master Yashida described to Mariko so many years ago. He was real.

And his heart. It was gripped by one of that things missing in the container.

No. He could not do this.

"No, stop, Logan."

I begged him to stop and to listen to me. He was about to do the very thing I knew would lead him to certain death. And I didn't want that. I was almost never wrong and his death would never be okay, despite all the nonsense he kept talking. Wasn't he Kuzuri?

Shingen came from nowhere talking bullshit about Mariko and Master Yashida, about me and Logan, and I fought to protect my own life, willing I could protect Logan's life too.

Then he called my name, what let me astonished because I couldn't foresee it. Logan wasn't Kuzuri, the immortal soldier. He was a dying man calling for me while I tried to fight and to have hope that this time I’d committed a mistake. Well, Master Yashida fooled my gift once, right? I could be wrong again. Maybe Logan still could be saved.

But I saw his bloodied hand, motionless fingers beckoning me to approach his body. I cried his name, and then my sword was thrown away from me. When I grabbed it again and could, for a brief instant, actually look at him, he was dead, just like I foresaw it. No more pain for a former soldier, no more nightmares, no more eternity.

To cry his name again was useless, but how could I do not do it? I was fatigued and losing the fight to the hate Shingen directed to me, as if I was the sole cause of all his frustrations; I was hurt because Logan, who was supposed to be that hero that gave faith to my sister, wasn't the solution to every one of our problems; I was stunned because I was right, in the end. All that blabbering about the wild and brave Kuzuri was just foolish fiction.

Shingen wasn't that good with a sword, I may repeat this at any time just because it is the truth. But I was so tired I got caught.

The first time I actually saw Mariko and Master Yashida's Kuzuri, he was gracefully helping me to sit on the floor, shirtless and with a calm expression of concern and patience.

My head swirled, there was a lot of pain and a bit of confusion between my thoughts, but one notion wasn't blurred by my disorientation. He was alive. I told him that I've been wrong, and he, a typical dick, answered me with a reassuring and condescending "I told you". I felt like I could laugh for a long time, and maybe some stupid smile escaped from my control, because I was marveled by an unmistakable, immutable truth in front of me.

The Wolverine was alive.

Then I went after him to Master Yashida's birthplace. We fought our way up to the building, he was brutally and permanently injured, I discovered I've believed in a liar those last years, and we saved Mariko.

Master Yashida not being who everyone thought he was astounded me for two reasons. First, he lied to me, he made me trust him and serve him with pride, and then he betrayed me. Second, he confirmed that my gift wasn’t wrong. And this, besides Logan’s death and Wolverine’s resurrection, showed me I will never be wrong because my ability is failure proof.

Since I met Kuzuri all I saw was new arrangements around me, and one of them was my sister taking the front of her family's business and of her own life. And I changed, too. I decided to leave Japan, my homeland, to begin my own path side by side with the real Wolverine. I left not as the strange girl who used to bring death promises, nor as the toy doll of a child who outgrown me, neither as the mutant pet of a rich, powerful liar. This time I would find my way and discover how to be myself.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was my first fanfiction written in English. I apologize for any ugly mistake I may have committed. =(


End file.
